Your face is a jimmy john
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
