Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
