it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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