It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
