That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I want to fling myself into the sun
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
