Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
