I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
