Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
