You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
