Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
