you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
