I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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