I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
