two words...techno handjob
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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