It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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