we should wear snuggies to the strip club
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
