In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
