i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
