he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
