So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
