maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
