Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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