is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
