If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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