Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
