I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
