I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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