Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
