just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
