talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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