you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
