Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
