But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i will never coherently bang her
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
