I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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