I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
