so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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