Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
