we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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