Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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