You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
