I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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