so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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