it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
