I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
