Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
