she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
