dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
