oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
