Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Bring me that man meat
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
