He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
