The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
